I was the room mom during my children’s first few years of school. I went to every ball room dance, class party, parent day, and field trip I could possibly go to. I kept a job that would allow me to bring my kids with me to work so that I knew they were safe and not having to be raised by someone else.
I turned down any jobs where the client wouldn’t allow them to be there. I literally sacrificed each and every dream, desire, or plan that didn’t include my boys.
Why? Because love gives it’s best, so that’s what I tried to do.
Do I get credit for any of that now? Ha! Not at all. My kids see me through judgmental eyes just as I am sure many of us see our parents. They notice my faults and failures more than my accomplishments.
They see and remember all of my mistakes rather than remembering how hard I worked and how much I sacrificed for them. They see what I don’t do for them rather than what I do.
As a single mom for the majority of their young lives, I corrected my kids much more so than most people do now days and yes I was tough on them because I wanted them to turn out well. I also tried to give them love, forgiveness, and grace to balance it all out.
I raised them as best as I knew how with the tools and support I had to work with (which was very little until I got remarried). I kept my boys with me even when things looked completely impossible.
Yet, nothing was ever good enough and still isn’t. They are from a selfish generation where all of their friends get exactly what they want and they think they should as well.
When I think of unconditional love, I think of a mother’s love.
Mothers tend to overlook the faults of their children and find it easy to forgive them. Mothers go way out of their way to care for their children, sometimes to an overwhelming and endless sacrifice of themselves.
I have seen my mother overlook or forgive my brother’s behavior through things that I personally wouldn’t be able to handle nor tolerate from him.
But I don’t love him like a mother, I love him like a sister. I can cut him off in a split second if necessary and his drug and alcohol addiction has caused me to have to do that for most of his adult life, to protect myself from his behavior.
My mother, on the other hand, doesn’t cut him off, ever, for any reason. Her tolerance for him is unchangeable no matter how much his addiction hurts her.
I think of my love for my own children and I’m the same way toward them to a certain degree. They don’t have any addictions that I know of but they are still young enough that their behavior is hard to deal with at times.
My love, however, isn’t conditional on their behavior or on how they feel about me at the moment. Feelings change. Behavior changes. My love remains consistent and always will. However, I do not tolerate bad behavior no matter how old they get.
I think of a mother as someone who should be gentle, giving, loving, kind and compassionate; yet there were times that my children didn’t see that side of me. As a single mother, I had to discipline them, since their dad wasn’t around to do that.
I didn’t get a break from being a mom very often so I was always stressed. My ex taught the boys to not respect their mother, so my job was even harder than it had to be because of that.
What a mother does in that kind of situation appears to hurt her child because she then has to correct them even more, which makes her look not so loving and compassionate like a mother should be.
But that discipline doesn’t mean she doesn’t love her children, actually it means quite the opposite. It means that she cares about that child’s future and the consequences they receive for their actions as they grow. Disrespecting people will most definitely reap negative results in life.
The number one thing I tried to teach my kids throughout the years was that you reap what you sow. It is apparent in creation and even in science that every action receives a reaction. Every seed planted receives a harvest.
Life works that way too. Everything you do, comes back to you in some way. So I tried to teach my kids to be smart with their actions. To stop and think about what they do before they do it.
Despite what I taught them, they still seemed to go in their own direction doing their own thing.
Did that stop me from teaching them? No way. You teach a child to do right because you want to see them have a good life in the future. When they have negative behavior and continue on that path, it will most certainly create negative consequences in their lives. If we as parents don’t try to change that in them, who will?
Not correcting a child is the same as not loving them and children who are not loved, become children who hate.
Not correcting a child is the same as saying, “I don’t care about what you do or where you end up.” It’s the same as saying, “Go ahead and get hooked on drugs, drink, smoke, and party.”
If you don’t care what your children do, then you don’t care about what your children become. Each and every action a person makes brings a consequence and your children are no exception to this rule even if you think they are special. Trust me, we all think that our kids are special but yours are no different than mine, they will reap what they sow.
I don’t want my children to end up in jail, with bad credit, owing on a lot of bills, or with some sort of bad habit they can’t beat so I’ve always corrected them when they did wrong and tried to help them to see a better path for themselves.
One of the biggest problems I’ve had in raising my boys is they think everything should go their way. They think they should get everything they want, despite the repercussions of getting what they want. And why wouldn’t they think that way when they see their friends getting literally everything they ask for?
We have too many people not correcting their children now days and giving in to their every whim.
Last night we ate out at a local restaurant. There was a child there purposely pushing the lever on the tea container so it could dump out onto the floor, pushing the ice machine so it could dump ice all over the place, and running around like a wild animal.
Instead of the father grabbing him up and taking him to the bathroom, like I would’ve done with my own children, he just pulled him by the arm all over that restaurant dragging him away from things.
Bullied by a 9 year old.
As I was standing there waiting for my turn, with this child in my way literally dumping ice all over the place, I leaned over and said, “HEY, don’t do that!”
Is it my place to correct other people’s children?
If what the child is doing affects me or hinders me or my family in any way at all, and the parent is not correcting them, then yes it is. I know you’re gasping at that statement right now but hear me out.
I wouldn’t spank someone else’s child of course, but verbally telling someone they are wrong and need to stop what they are doing is actually our born given rights as citizens of the United States.
Did you know that? You have the right to tell someone to stop doing something that is wrong and you also have the right to verbally correct them. And many times just saying something will cure the situation.
One of our rights is “Freedom to pursue life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” If someone else’s actions hinder that pursuit, we have the legal right to speak up according to the first amendment, and our rights to peace are protected by law according to the fourteenth amendment.
You think I am worried about offending a 9 year old or his father who is obviously ignoring him? Not at all. That man needs to know his child needs correction and he needs to be snapped out of ignore mode.
Hey, I had people snap me out of ignore mode several times.
My youngest son had the worst issue with being hyper I had ever seen, and was hard to keep up with. My oldest son had the worst negative attitude I’ve ever seen a child have. Put the two together and you have a mom who constantly has to correct and discipline, and who stays consistently stressed.
Was I going to give up just because they were difficult? No. Love doesn’t give up. Love is unfailing.
When they would come back from their father’s house (back when he actually showed up), their behavior was almost unbearable for at least several days afterward. If I didn’t know any better, I would think he was feeding them caffeine and sugar intravenously.
As a single mother I didn’t have it all together and found it hard to handle that at times. Especially in public places. I carried a small paddle with me because of it.
Oh, I know that is totally unheard of now days, and yes it did get negative attention from other adults, but my boys sat still and behaved themselves on a regular basis despite their childhood emotional issues. They didn’t push tea or ice buttons in restaurants, I can tell you that for sure.
One day I had a lady yell at me from across Wal-Mart that she was going to call the police. I had a paddle in my hand (not using it) but she saw me hit the handle bar of the buggy with it as I told my son to hush, and it infuriated her.
I held the paddle in my hand as a firm affirmation and said, “Go right ahead and call the police. These are MY children and they will do as I say because I am responsible for their actions.”
Was I being mean to my children? NOT AT ALL. I was making them behave. When I hit the buggy with that paddle, they would hush every single time and knew that mom was getting serious.
Discipline is a long lost art, apparently.
As a whole we have become too complacent in our own little worlds and have gone into ignore mode. Now rebellion is rampant because of it.
The child that was pushing the ice machine didn’t know what to think when I leaned over and corrected him. The father didn’t either. The dad came over and grabbed him to pull him away from where I was. If he had said something to me I would’ve have responded with, “Is it MY place to correct your children, or is it YOURS?”
Yep, people do let their kids get by with just about anything now days and THAT is why we have shooters at our schools, churches, and malls.
Stop blaming gun laws for what parents are failing to do. There is no gun law out there that is going to protect you from a child that the parents failed to discipline and correct, because a child like that thinks they should be able to do whatever they want, and get by with it.
The condition of this country is OUR fault.
We have allowed rebellion in our homes and brought up a rebellious generation. I mean, I am not blaming anyone in particular because I get it. Single parents are having to raise their children alone without the other parent involved.
Mother’s have a harder time correcting their kids because their natural instincts just want to “love” them through everything. Dads are afraid DHR will take them away if they spank them, and everything is all messed up now.
I get it.
But I didn’t let that stop me from correcting mine and you shouldn’t either. You should take a stand for what is right no matter how others respond to your stand. Your children’s future depends on it.
Parent failures are all around us and it isn’t the schools responsibility nor the youth group at your church’s responsibility to fix this. Trump’s decisions, changing the gun laws, and the government can’t fix what we as a whole have broken. Only we as a whole can fix it by standing up for what is right and changing the way we parent our future leaders.
Like I used to tell my selling clients in my real estate business, “I can’t fix what you have failed to repair. Your job as the seller is to prepare the house and get it ready to sell, and my job is to sell it. If you fail at your job, I will most certainly be set up to fail at mine.”
Our children are like houses. They have to be maintained from the inside out. If they get ignored they will most certainly fall apart and when they do, they won’t be worth very much in the end.
If we fail as parents, this country fails as a whole. This country is falling apart because we have failed to train, teach, and discipline our children and prepare them for the consequences their actions can bring.
Now those children are raising children too. Can you imagine the difficulties these kids will face when they realize they reap what they sow and that life isn’t all about what they want?
Negative actions bring negative consequences. Period. Our children need to know this. They need to know that if you cause pain, you reap pain in return.
Rebellion Breeds Chaos
We allowed the right-standing morally correct backbone of this country to change because it went against what a few thought was “fair,” and we allowed our schools to be stripped of prayer, the bible, and God.
We allowed some parents to tell other parents that speaking of God is offensive because not everyone believes in God the same way. Certain non-believing groups got what they wanted by association. WE LET THEM have our prayer, our bibles, and our children. WE did this.
These issues will not change until we take full responsibility for it and stand up to make a change.
We can start by correcting our own children.
Peer pressure caused the so-called “Christians” to shut up, sit down and become ashamed of what they believe. When they shut up and sat down everyone else spoke up and started preaching the wrong thing, which twisted and perverted our children, our schools, and our nation.
Our kids are now taught equal rights for all including lifestyles that we know are morally inappropriate and against God’s best for our lives. Yet, instead of teaching our kids those lifestyles are wrong, we shut up too and sit down and let it happen. We let it continue to be preached to our children as “fair” and “normal.”
Kids don’t even know what gender they are anymore because parents have told them they have the right to choose who and what they are. They do this because they give them whatever they want.
How confusing is it to tell your child who has a penis, he has the right to identify with a girl?
I don’t care how hard you try, if you have a penis with no womb, you will NEVER know what it’s like to give birth to a child. It isn’t fair to my gender for men to say they identify with me, and I personally find it disrespectful.
If you don’t have the organs to give birth, you can’t POSSIBLY identify with me. You don’t have the hormones I have, nor do you have the menstrual cycle, pains, and sensations I’ve had. You will never have to go through a hysterectomy or take birth control pills.
Men have no idea the pain I went through to bear my children, that is a pain they will never experience no matter how hard they try to identify with it. It’s just pretending, and that pretending will keep you confused in life if you don’t stop lying to yourself.
All of these lies that we tell our children are “okay” are confusing them and teaching them to live just a shadow of the life they were truly meant to live.
Now we’ve replaced positive books in our libraries at our schools with books on how to commit suicide (yes, that was an actual book at my sons school).
It was, at least, until I found it.
How many other parents do you think knew about that book before someone finally said something? I never got a response from the school. It just quietly disappeared from their list.
When my kids first arrived at their current High School I found out that my son attended a gay-straight alliance club meeting during school. I spoke with the principle and completely raised a raucous because I had no idea that was even an option at school.
WHY can they have meetings like that if my kids are not allowed to bring their bibles to school, wear the American flag on their t-shirts, or openly pray in the class room?!
I made several phone calls about that meeting because I don’t want my children being bombarded with other people telling them that being gay is normal and acceptable.
I agree that we should love and accept people in a kind way, but that meeting was not necessary for my children’s education.
School is NOT a place for gay clubs. If school is not a place for religion, NO other club or organization should be allowed either. PERIOD.
We have allowed our christian heritage to be removed because it offended those who don’t believe in our God or those who believe differently. Why is it not okay to believe differently? I mean don’t we all, Christians included, believe differently?
There are Baptist, Methodist, Catholics, and the list goes on and on of those who believe differently from one another but we don’t have to take God out of the equation to get along with one another or to keep from offending one another.
No, this wasn’t done because of those who believe differently. This was done because of those who don’t believe. This is supposed to be a Christian nation, yet we sat back and let the foundation of what makes us believers get stripped from our society.
WE did this.
We stopped talking about it in public because other people from other countries brought their own religions here and we don’t want to offend them. By doing so, we stripped our country of morals and now our children’s consciences don’t work properly and because they can do no wrong in our eyes, we make them believe that they can do no wrong- period.
Churches preach grace so much that people believe they can get by with anything, and God will forgive it; forgetting to let people know that repentance and taking personal responsibility are an important part of grace’s equation.
We pull our kids away from tea pictures and ice machines without teaching them why we pull them away. We don’t help them to relate their negative actions to pain therefore they consistently rebel, run over others, and do stupid things hoping everyone else will overlook their behavior like their parents have.
Well, excuse me but I will NOT overlook bad behavior, not from my own children, and certainly not from yours if their actions affect me or those around me in any way at all. I am a mother with a backbone and if your children need to be corrected in front of me then YOU had better do it or else I will say something and call you out on it. Not to be mean, or offensive, but to snap you out of ignore mode like I was done several times.
Last year I had a girl give me the finger while we were driving. This wasn’t the first time I’ve had a problem with her and after trying to take it to her parents, found out that she was a legal age “adult.” After she purposely nearly hit my car, purposely ran over my real estate signs, and almost ran over my youngest son on his bike from driving crazily and acting stupid, I’d had enough.
She’s just a rebellious teenager but realizing her parents were not going to handle it, I stopped my car and confronted her for her actions. It scared her so badly that I got out of my car to confront her, I haven’t had another issue with her since. Not only that, she now drives better in our neighborhood, and no fingers go up now. Correction works.
She is another one who’s parents turn their heads and they are creating a monster because of their own ignorance toward making their child do what is right. Let me tell you something, if your child lives at home, you are still in charge. You don’t have to put up with negative behavior.
Do you know how many times I was corrected by people who were not my parents? It’s the way it was back then. You didn’t have to raise your kids alone when I was a kid because neighbors, teachers, and even strangers would correct a child. Back then parents didn’t get angry that you tried to help, they actually appreciated you trying to teach their child what is right.
Why do they not feel that way now? Because they were raised in the “me, me, me” generation and their kids can do no wrong because they are “special.” They were raised in the generation that thought it was wrong to correct their children because it might “hurt their feelings.”
They were raised with their parents pampering their feelings and coddling them when they did wrong and now those very same kids take off work when things don’t go their way.
They give their children the freedom to choose their own gender, and a year’s paid vacation after high school to give them time to “explore themselves.” They provide car insurance, fuel, and pay all of their kids bills even at the age of 25 when the child should be fully independent.
This country is messed up and it’s our fault because we’ve allowed rebellion.
We need to stop placing blame everywhere else and realize the condition this country is in is on us, the parents. Back in my day grandparents helped to raise the children. Now parents would call the police if the grandparent corrected the child. Heck, kids call the police if the parent corrects them. SMH.
Isn’t Unconditional Love Supposed to Look the Other Way?
Unconditional love doesn’t give in to a child’s every wish or every whim. My mother did that with my brother and it created a rebellious monster of a child. She allowed her unconditional love to cause her to bury her head in the sand and look the other way to his faults.
Yes, we as mother’s want to do that by nature but if it is YOUR place to correct that child, you have to go against your nature and do what is right for them instead. Do you think I liked correcting my kids? No, and I didn’t do it as often as I should’ve because of that. But, I did do it as often as I realized they needed it despite who judged me for it.
I was willing to make a stand in front of the police, DHR, or whomever necessary to be sure that my kids didn’t turn out to be thugs.
Love doesn’t enable a child to be rebellious or to be stupid. Love only enables the child to do good things. When the child does bad things, love disciplines and teaches instead.
Discipline in any form hurts the child’s feelings, almost without exception. Discipline is hard on that child while it is being given but the parent shouldn’t yield to to their reaction.
A good mother (I am using “mother” as an example because I understand a mother’s unconditional love) has an internal instinct to know what’s best for her child.
True, unconditional love like a mother has, was designed in her to never give up. I believe a mother’s love is a picture of God’s grace. Unconditional love never fails or in other words it never ceases to exist.
It’s like we have a God-led intuition in knowing what the child needs next, and a good mother will not allow anyone else or even that child’s behavior to thwart her efforts in creating the best possible outcome for that child’s life.
Let me warn you though, the day comes when that intuition is hindered by the child’s own will. They will not always allow you to guide their lives in a positive direction.
I can also tell you from my own experience, a good mother will protect her child to no end, and even in the face of danger will put herself in front of a bullet if she has to, to be sure her children are safe.
Then, the day also comes when that child wants to protect themselves. We aren’t needed forever so we need to make our actions count while we can.
I can remember the difference between when I was abused and when I was appropriately corrected as a child. The correct punishment for my actions created respect for my parents, nothing less.
Making it Count
I was shy growing up. I didn’t speak to people much because of my abusive past. It wasn’t until my first son was born that I rose up on the inside and began developing a backbone enough to talk to strangers and look people in the eye. I was backward and awkward and felt funny around other people because of the way I had been treated all of my life.
All of that changed very quickly after my first son was born. I took him with me to the grocery store for the first time ever about a week after he was born. That was the hardest trip to the store I had ever made. I didn’t want to put my baby down not even for a second and it caused me to carry him the entire time I was getting groceries.
I held that baby so close to my heart because I felt it was my duty to protect him. My arm nearly went limp from holding him for so long. Finally at check-out I realized I was going to have to put him in his car-seat for a moment while I paid for my groceries.
That was hard for me but I did it.
Wouldn’t you know it, that’s when a fellow who had been drinking walked right up and started touching my baby! BIG MISTAKE. The moment I smelled alcohol on his breath my claws came out and the shy little girl I used to be flew out the window!
I suddenly had a backbone like I’d never had before and fury ran up and down my spine. After asking him nicely to stop touching my baby, he didn’t. Apparently amused at my overreaction he continued to get right up in his face. I screamed at him and blocked his arm from touching Samuel and said, “HEY, I TOLD YOU TO STOP!”
I then looked at the cashier and told her and threatened to call the police if he didn’t remove his hand. They ended up sending the security guard over to escort the man out of the store.
I didn’t know what that man’s intentions were toward my child so I reacted in the only way I knew how. I protected my baby because that was my job as his parent. I still, to this day, try to protect my baby.
He’s a grown man now and I can no longer yell at strangers on his behalf or pull him away from danger. He must do that on his own now. But my goodness, I sure do love him just as much as I did that day in that grocery store and my instincts still alert me when danger is ahead. However, the baton has been passed to him now and all I can do is trust God for his wisdom and safety.
I protected my boys from every possible pain or danger in life that I had control over. Anyone who had hurt me or failed to protect me as a child, I avoided allowing them to watch my children or spend a lot of time with them without me there. I don’t feel an ounce of guilt about that either. I was doing my job at being a good parent and despite who talked about me badly, I would go back and do it all again the exact same way.
What’s hard, is when they no longer need you to be their hero. Or, when they don’t even see that you were their hero. When they have no idea the sacrifices you made for them, or can’t see your good side. What hurts the most is when your children think they no longer need you. When they are grown and think they can do it all on their own. Or, when THEY hurt themselves, or make mistakes, or choose the wrong thing.
Rebellion Gone To Seed
What about when your child gives you the finger? What then? After all of those years of sacrificing yourself, taking up for them, and literally laying down your own life for their happiness; what happens when they become their own worst enemy therefore rebelling against you?
When a child doesn’t yield to their parents will and chooses to be rebellious instead, what is a parent to do? If they are small children, you deal with it in a form of discipline.
When my children were small I grounded them, and took things away that they enjoyed doing as a punishment, and even dealt with them in an old fashioned way when necessary for negative behavior and it typically worked, at least for a while. Now that one of them is grown I can no longer do that.
My only option at this point is to love him unconditionally, and try to help him from afar.
A child who refuses to listen, refuses to learn, and refuses to change, reaps a hard life because they then begin to experience negative results from their own actions.
A rebellious child, no matter what age, will soon feel abandoned, hurt, irritable, sad, depressed, and maybe even angry especially if they blame others for what they’re experiencing.
When things go in a different direction than what the grown child wants them to go, their first inkling is to blame their parents rather than themselves.
They focus in on their parents faults and mistakes, not realizing that no one is perfect, parents especially because we have to deal with things like ex-husbands, hyper behavior, and bad attitudes. We do things like overreact in grocery stores and hinder others from developing relationships with our children trying to protect them from being hurt, because that deeply embedded love we have for our children drives us to protect them.
But if the child is “grown” and in “rebellion,” is it the parents fault the child is experiencing negative things, or the child’s fault? Past the age of about 19, the child will head out to make their own decisions. Once that happens, they are responsible for the consequences of those actions.
Rebellion will cause poor behavior, and that behavior is the problem but the one who is being rebellious will blame everyone else for their troubles.
I’ve seen some great kids who got into an attitude of rebellion and that rebellion totally changed the direction of that child’s future leaving them hurt, emotional, and maybe even scared or hooked on some sort of bad habit.
Their rebellion got so bad, they got themselves into a world of trouble and a world of hurt that didn’t have to happen had they just been willing to listen to their parents and continue to allow them to help.
Nearly everyone I know that I’ve discussed this with, that has had a teenager reach young adult age, told me this happened to them. The child becomes a young adult and rebels against the parents wishes because they want to do what they want to do now without anyone judging or sticking their nose in.
They want to do things that are wrong without you knowing or being around to judge it therefore they bad mouth you and push you away. That’s when all bets are off and the parent gets whiplash, wondering where in the world their sweet little boy went?
I’ve experienced it myself. One day I’m joyful, helping my son move out into his first apartment, excited to paint for him, making sure he has the groceries he needs, and that all of his bills are paid. I even took him shopping and helped him pick out furniture for his new place.
Mom is happy, son is happy, everyone is happy.
The next month, my son turned 19 and WHAM!!! Whiplash.
What happened to mom being a part of his life? He replaced her with dating, cell phones, computers, and army buddies. Mostly he replaced her with rebellion. I’m still right here where I’ve always been, doing what I’ve always done. He’s the one who changed.
I get it though. I saw it coming but nothing prepares you for the rebellion. Nothing prepares you for that sweet little boy to see you trying to help as an invasion of their privacy. Nothing prepares you for the hurtful words that sting deep down inside. Nothing prepares you for the sleepless nights wondering if they’re safe, hungry, or happy.
As a mom, you are not prepared you for the day you have to say, “Do it yourself,” or that child no longer needing you, or worse, wanting you around.
There is nothing I wouldn’t do for my kids but I will not enable nor support bad behavior or stupid decisions. When they need me and want to act right, I am right here where I’ve always been. I will love them to no end, unconditionally and forever but I will not yield to rebellion or bad behavior nor will I tolerate it. No sir.
I will not be like my mother is with my brother because that is not love, that is enabling. Big difference.
Unconditional Love Isn’t Reciprocated
It’s sad but true. A mother’s love isn’t returned in the way she gives it. Our kids don’t love us “unconditionally.” They allow our faults, mistakes, and lack of understanding to guide them in the way that they treat us. The sad truth is, unconditional love usually isn’t reciprocated by anyone but God.
Oh, I know my kids love me (despite what they may say). But not like I love them. Not unconditionally.
Think about it, most people don’t give unconditional love. You think you love your spouse unconditionally? Let them cheat on you a few times and see if your mind isn’t changed about that.
We love our spouses, parents, our siblings, and our friends but that love is different and not even comparable to the absolute unconditional love we have for our children. There is NOTHING we wouldn’t do for our children. Yet with our parents, we see their faults and mistakes just like our kids see ours.
Our kids love is also different in that same way. Our kids love us back, but their love is conditioned based on how you’ve raised them, how good you were to them, and how well they feel you did your job as their parent. They don’t see all the sacrifices you made for them, or all the times you stood in the face of danger on their behalf. They only see you through their perception of who you are.
I can tell you from experience, a child’s perspective is much different than the parents. My mother sees the way she raised me as acceptable. I, on the other hand, do not. I forgive her for it now, but that took some time and prayer on my part.
She knows how she struggled and what she fought through to get me grown. I know how I struggled to respect her despite whatever she went through. I now realize that she didn’t leave me on the side of the street somewhere or abandon me when things got hard and as an adult who is no longer bitter, I truly appreciate that.
Knowing that she kept me with her when things got tough gives me something to respect her for now. But I didn’t see that as a child or even as a young adult.
My mother and I both have two different perspectives, we both lived two different lives, and had two different kinds of experiences and love for one another.
The older I’ve become, the more I realize I will not have my mother forever. That bitterness no longer keeps me from having a relationship with her because I understand that no matter what happened in my childhood, I am here. I am alive, and I am well. I now look for reasons to love and respect her for what she DID do because that is truly all that matters now.
It’s easy to blame a single mother for everything, but keep in mind the responsibility for raising a child is on both parents.
None of us as parents have it all together. We don’t know it all and we literally just sort of have to feel our way through our kid’s childhoods. I made a lot of mistakes raising my children, A LOT. But I can tell you this, I didn’t always know that I was doing it right, but I did always know that I was doing it well.
Here’s what my children do not yet realize about me, or may never realize about me- I do things with excellence. I don’t do anything half way. I give it my all. And I did that in raising them. I tried my best to show integrity as a mother and teach them the way they should go.
I had moments of failure, and that we ALL do, but overall I was a success as a parent, despite however they or anyone else sees me. My conscience is clear.
I raised my kids with all of the knowledge I had, not always doing the right thing in their eyes, but always trying my best from my own perspective.
Isn’t our best all anyone can ask of us?
You see, your child has no idea what you were faced with when you made certain decisions and therefore may not understand your choices. They may even see you from a negative perspective because of the choices you made but I truly believe if we will continue to show them unconditional love, that love will prevail.
Why? Because true unconditional love, NEVER fails.
A parent doesn’t base their love on how the child responds to them. The love is there regardless.
So, whether or not my little boy who is now a man, ever understands me, or sees eye to eye with me, I am right here where I’ve always been. If the rebellion persists, then so be it but at least I did my part in teaching him the right thing in life. If he chooses to forget that, then that’s on him.
Ironically to this article, one of the easiest ways to lose your rights as a U.S. citizen is through rebellion. Think about it, the law covers your rights as a citizen unless you rebel against the law or other people. If you rebel, you can lose your rights and can even get punishment for your rebellion because at that point the law isn’t for you, it is against you.
The only time the law doesn’t protect your rights is when you rebel. That’s something deep to think about. Think maybe parents knew something back when those laws were written that we have forgotten? Like biblical laws, for example?
The Ultimate Unconditional Love of All
I know and have experienced no greater love in my life than God’s love. I mention it here in my articles because without it you can’t be happy and whole in this life.
I have found during the worst, most unhappy times of my life, those were also the times I was in rebellion toward God.
Think about it. We live our lives even as adults in any manner we choose. We expect no repercussions for our actions, rarely ever giving attention to God’s will for our lives or heeding His commands, and because we are adults and can do whatever we want to do, we expect good results from that behavior.
Then when doing whatever we want results in bad consequences we blame God and throw fits and experience negative and hurt feelings toward Him like our kids do us. What sense does it make for us to blame God for everything when we KNOW deep down inside it is our fault and WE are the one who changed?
And what does rebellion reap? Negative consequences.
Why do we rebel? Is it because God loves us unconditionally and we know He will forgive us? Is it because we know He would do anything for us, and will never leave us no matter how we treat Him, no matter how much we brush Him off, ignore Him or rebel against Him?
Understanding the unconditional love that a mother has for her child, helps me now to understand the unconditional love God has for us. He has given us the ultimate sacrifice- His own son (I can’t even imagine giving that up) yet we blame him for our own emotions, mistakes, bad habits, and for everything negative we experience.
Why? Because we need someone to blame. We don’t want to take responsibility for own mistakes. We want it to be someone else’s fault and why not blame our Creator since He ultimately gave us our free will to do as we please? We think that our decisions are His fault.
But is it His fault we are experiencing these things? Or, is it our own rebellious nature?
WE did this. Now, how are we going to correct it?
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