Negative Patterns

Negative Patterns

Some people tend to think they know what they want but when they finally get it, it doesn’t satisfy that void they feel inside; so they keep looking for something else.

When they find something else it doesn’t fill the void either so they search again. This type of lifestyle creates bad spending habits, addictions, negative eating habits, and completely ruins relationships.

It can also create many other negative patterns that could’ve been avoided by realizing the thing the person keeps trying to replace isn’t the problem.

For example, I know someone who has been married at least four or five times. He finds a girl and falls in love with her but once the newness of that relationship wears off, he goes back to being single because he couldn’t handle the stress the relationship brings.

She didn’t fill the void he had and he thinks it is her fault so he leaves her or she leaves him because she now can’t stand the man he is being. He went from loving and affectionate to now acting out in dissatisfaction toward her.  

Two people who were once totally entwined have now become enemies. The problem with a person like that is that their own estimation of what they need, isn’t correct.

We all tend to go through life searching for something to fill our emotional, physical, and spiritual needs.

The difference between us all is what we believe will fill that void. What you believe determines everything else in your life. If you want to fix an internal emotional or spiritual problem, you first need to figure out where your faith is (faith is just simply what you believe).

Do you believe that if you eat MORE, that food will fill the void you have on the inside? Do you believe if you could just find the RIGHT person, that person will make you feel less lonely and empty? Do you believe that if you could buy more THINGS, those things will satisfy you?


I guarantee you, what you believe IS the root of the problem.

Gluttonous people think that they need more and more food. People who go from relationship to relationship believe that they need someone else to make them happy.

People who have a drug or alcohol addiction usually start out believing it’s cool to do drugs or drink because of peer pressure. Or, they believe the drugs or alcohol will relieve their internal issues. They obviously believed wrong because that cool move has now created a not so cool bondage.

Wrong beliefs create negative patterns.

All people, without exception, who create negative patterns, believe the wrong thing and that wrong belief is what takes them down the wrong road.

It isn’t possible for that negative pattern to create peace in their life, yet they believe if they get enough of that so-called solution to their problem, or find the right substance, or the right person, the void will finally go away.

Then ten, twenty or thirty years down the road their addiction or negative pattern never satiated their emptiness, the problem still exists, and they are left emptier than ever before. They may be left in trouble with the law, broke, or even homeless from their addictions.

So, what is the solution if drugs, alcohol, and sex are not it?


There are instinctual human needs we all have. Everyone (without exception) has the same internal needs. Here they are:

Spiritual Guidance & a Firm Spiritual Foundation-

First and foremost your spirit longs for a solid foundation, something trustworthy to believe in. Your heart wants to believe in something and is consistently searching for spiritual stability whether you realize it or not. Your spirit is the very first thing that needs attention, growth, and development.

What you choose to allow your heart to believe is up to you BUT what you believe, what you put your faith in, is what determines the direction your life will go.

Your next move is determined by what you believe will make you happy. Choose the wrong thing to believe in and happiness will not be the result.

Maybe you believe that lots of nice material possessions will make you happy. But because buying nice things has no spiritual effect on your life, whatever satisfaction you do get out of that will only leave you just as empty in the end and even emptier if you end up broke from it.

If you don’t first fill your spiritual needs, no amount of spending money is going to fill that void. Having money and material possessions don’t affect your heart’s condition. It reveals your heart in many cases, but it doesn’t change it.

Porn is now a world-wide addiction. It is what has led to child sex trafficking and all sorts of twisted immoral businesses out there. People now days accept it as the norm. Indulging in porn will only lead to more internal emptiness. It doesn’t replace a sexual relationship with a person, nor can it.

God created you to desire sex.

Sex is normal, good, and a desire that should not be hidden away in front of a TV screen. It is a desire that should be shared with someone you love and that you are in a committed relationship with.

Sex was meant for marriage but what if you don’t have someone who loves you or wants to marry you?

You wait.

Patience is a virtue. God rewards patience.

God didn’t design you to get sexual gratification from yourself, strangers, or a television or computer screen. KNOW THIS ASSUREDLY- If you keep going after the wrong thing, you WILL create for yourself a negative pattern.

He designed you with the ability to satiate loneliness with Him; not with other relationships. Relationships with other people can be wholesome, worthy of your time, and fulfilling but are not meant to replace Him.

Empty relationships get you no where. Especially if it’s people you can’t touch, that you can only see on a computer screen. He wants you to have someone to touch, to embrace you, to love you back but if you consistently giving your heart and attention to vain things, you may not find the real thing because you are looking in the wrong place for it.

Dating apps are a very common thing now. The problem with those is, it’s like window shopping. You can pick and choose but that next one that shows you attention isn’t necessarily the right one and can leave you even emptier than you began.


Cast all of that aside, throw it all down, and feed your spirit FIRST. I’m not talking about doing it in a religious way either. Like I’ve said many times, I’ve never seen religion help anyone.

I had family members and friends in the past who were loud and obnoxiously religious people, yet I never once saw them get free from things that held them back in life through their religion. Actually, it was quite the opposite.

You see, religion doesn’t belong to God. It’s something we create. God isn’t into division and that’s what religion brings. It divides people, churches, and even cities and governments.

Religion didn’t help my family or friends, it actually bound them more because they then relied on that religion to create rules and boundaries in their lives hoping it would set them free, and it never did.

Instead, it just bound them with rules and traditions they then had to keep to remain a part of that belief system. I would even go as far as to say, they believed the wrong thing because of their religion.

Not that believing in God is wrong. It is the way they put their faith in their religious beliefs that led them astray from getting what they needed. In other words, their faith wasn’t really in God, but rather in what they believed. I don’t care what you think you know, you haven’t arrived yet- whomever you are.

Some of them even thought if they mustered up enough faith in God, they would get an answer to their prayers and all of their problems would be solved. It never happened because their faith was in their own beliefs. God isn’t looking for you to “muster up enough faith.” He isn’t some mystical creature waiting for you to conjure up spells.

So, building your spirit on a firm foundation really has nothing to do with religion. Several of my friends and family died still waiting on an answer to their addictions, negative patterns, or the health issues that their negative patterns had created.


Here’s the truth and what will set you free: You can sit around waiting on God or someone else to change your circumstances. OR, you can get up, take charge of your life, and stop making excuses for what YOU are not doing.

God is present to help you but you have to be willing to help yourself. God gave us all free will and if our will is to stay bound, bound is what we will be.

You have to be willing to stop putting your time and effort into the wrong things. God isn’t your crutch and He isn’t going to magically change your life just because you keep trying to muster up faith in Him. He isn’t impressed by your attempts at mustering up some religious virtue.

What He is impressed by are people who are for real, sincere, people who really want to change enough to MAKE that change begin.

I heard my grandparents say many times, “God helps those who help themselves.” And that statement is absolutely true.

You have to be willing to change.

God isn’t going to just take over your life and MAKE you do the right thing. He gave you free will to do as you please. YOU have to step up to the plate with a made-up mind. Change what your heart believes, and what your mind wants, and I guarantee you, you will see the change you are needing.

Those negative patterns were created by YOU. They can only be repaired or reversed by your willingness to walk away from them and do something different. No one, not even God, can make you want to walk away from the things that hold you back.

I’m preaching to the choir here. I’ve got things I’ve struggled with my entire life. We all do. You are no different than the rest of us in that aspect. What makes us all different is how we handle the change we need to make.

Sometimes it is a daily challenge, so break free- daily if necessary. Keep up with my blog so that you will have positive encouragement on a regular basis. Find yourself someone with some positive influence and hang around them.

If you really want to be free, you have to first be willing to do what it takes to get free. Stop blaming others for your lack of success, your spending habits, or other negative patterns. Freedom begins with putting your faith in the right thing and getting your spirit rooted and grounded in the right belief. Then making the choice to not turn around and go backward no matter what.

Even if you fail at something, don’t beat yourself up over it, GET BACK UP, start over again with a determination that you will BE FREE- No matter what and no matter how long it takes.

How do you feed yourself spiritually if religion isn’t the answer?


Most religions believe that Jesus came and died for our sins. I believe this too but I was taught all of my young life that He died to deliver us from the devil.

My religious beliefs aside (if I do in fact have any), it has been my experience that people are their own worst enemy. You can blame your actions on the devil, the preacher in your church, the abuse of your past, or your mom and dad but ultimately your actions are controlled by YOU.

What we truly need to be delivered from is the thought process that created those negative patterns to begin with. If you can overcome a negative mindset, whether it came from the devil or your own brain not functioning properly because your spirit wasn’t in charge, regardless of where it came from, you can push yourself in the right direction.

Spiritual strength begins with faith in God. Not faith in yourself, what you believe, or what the preacher or priest at church has taught you. A relationship with God can be strengthened at church but it doesn’t begin there. It begins in your heart. Giving your heart to Him has nothing to do with religion, church, or what your mother believes. It can be done anywhere at anytime because He is always with you.

Spiritual Stability-

First of all, you are a three-part being; spirit, soul (mind), and body.

To be spiritually whole, you have to keep these in order. You feed your spirit first. If you haven’t done this, or don’t do this on a regular basis, you can’t expect your mind and body to be whole either. The mind and the body were made for the spirit; they support and follow the spirit.

If you have a spiritual problem, you WILL most certainly have problems in other areas.

Your spirit must come first and since God created your spirit, He is the only one who can fulfill it’s needs and show you how to do the same. We are not a god unto ourselves but when we refuse to have a relationship with the One who created us, we try to take on that role. We aren’t fit for that role which is why we live in bondage in many cases.

Emotional Stability-

People also tend to try and fill emotional needs with physical solutions. The problem with emotional needs is most of us don’t recognize what the need is. We know we feel empty, we just don’t know why.

A spiritual need will create an emotional need.

If you’ve checked that box (the spirit-box), the next best thing is to check what your heart believes about your relationships. Relying on relationships to fill our emotional needs creates an unstable foundation that will crumble and cause you to be an emotional mess.

Relationships with people can be fulfilling but they are not supposed to be our source of fulfillment. God is our source for all good things.

If you can’t be satisfied ALONE, then you are investing your emotions in others in vain. Your relationships can’t provide you with emotional stability. Another person can’t satisfy you long-term. Trying to insert them into your spiritual deficiencies will only hurt them.

Get yourself spiritually strong first, then your emotions will be stable enough to allow someone else into your life in a healthy way.

What brings emotional stability? Spiritual stability. That’s it in a nutshell. Not religious, fake- faith. Not showy, one-up you- faith. Not traditional, gotta keep the rules -faith. I am talking about faith that no man can change or take away by hurting your feelings, ridiculing you, or leaving you. Faith that you built by talking to and listening to God’s leadership.

We are not gods unto ourselves, and those who try to be fall extremely hard in the end. A person who tries to get free without God may also continue to struggle.

It’s why the addiction centers are packed completely full. I took someone to one of those facilities last week and found out the majority of them stay full. A lot of the people there have been there before. How sad is that?

You may be able to get free for a while with man’s help, but in order to get free permanently you need more than a person or a facility. Those things are good to have but you need your Creator too because He is the only one who knows your heart and your truest needs. He can hear and help you.

During the worst times in my life, when I didn’t have a friend in the world, I had someone I could turn to. If I don’t honor my mother for anything else, I honor her for making me go to church when I was little.

That religion that she tried to push on me didn’t help me-not even in the least bit, but the faith in God that I built as a result of realizing God was my answer, was what saved me from my own negative mindset.

Your spirit was designed to have faith and build a life from there; so, start there and see where a strong spirit can take you. Invest yourself into building up what you believe about yourself, about your circumstances and take responsibility for your own life.

Create a new pattern. That’s the only way to break away from the old ones. Every time you want something negative, replace it with something positive. Be free, my friends, and be brave.

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